Heres the thing… i’ve literally had a life of hell. Who knows maybe one day I’ll crack and share more about my past and why I am so demented (other then my engagment been called off cos im not thin enuf). But for now… trust…
I TRUST NO ONE!!!
It is that simple, I freak out about everything. If im with a guy, I find it hard to trust him with a women. And not necessarily cos I dont trust him, but I dont trust her!
Cos well, yes men r dogs – they lie and cheat and follow their dicks!
But they r not totally at fault, women flaunt themselves and flirt and wear skimpy outfits and try to sway taken men from their partners, and yea it sickens me!
Why cant women just be ok with who they have, or finding a guy that isnt with a girl! I know we r insecure, and want to feel wanted and needed so we wear as little as possible to show our bodies so men desire us…
SEE… the very reason I dont trust women.
Its a damn VICIOUS cycle and I dont know how to escape it!
How do you learn to trust? as children we do so naturally, and I did. I used to trust everyone!!!
Now I dont trust no one till they earn it, but I am constantly watching them, looking out for them to break it. Its insane.
And even writing them I am like getting tears, cos I know its screwed up and a mess. But I cant help it. Its like some disease, that wen Im wit someone its comes up and attacks and I have no weapons to fight it!
Seriously… ANYONE in the cyber world… HOW???
HOW DO YOU LEARN TO TRUST OVA AGAIN???
When everyone you’ve ever been close to has left u? or hurt u? ur lied to u? or abused u? or cheated on u? …
when everyone u have ever trusted and given yourself to, has betrayed u and left u broken!!!
How do u get back up from a lifetime of ruin? Or in my case…. im 27… so 12 years… of hating myself, and not trusting fully, or trying but been spat one everytime…
I am at a loss… I am in this cycle, and have been since I was 15… and I havent been able to get out, and I still cant.
that would be kinda cool. I can garantee it will b interesting, mayb a tad disturbing, even depressing… but im sure sum days will good and I will post sumthing funny or shocking even? I guess on this journey alone or with you… we will see what the future holds.